A few weeks ago? Days ago? There was an ubber neato convo on Twitter about dating and how Men seem to skip, very often, from the "Hi, Nice to meet you" chatter to the "What color are your unders?" interrogation. After @theurbandater probed me about my response to @singlemom75 on the 'Order of Operations' of dating and what I meant, I was inspired to Blog about the topic. Plus, I'm bored...Soooo.
The basics as I think it is are three pretty easy steps in the process, with of course tons of in between crapola for you to decided based on your desires:
- Meet and begin process of getting to know Object of Desire
- Decide whether said Object can hold your interest and begin diving deeper into Object in question.
- Express desire to get in Object's pants with the beginning of physical interaction.
Alright now the time frame is none of my stinking business and sometimes you find someone intriguing enough to through all the steps in a day, a week or even a weekend. Whatever floats your boat!! But, most Men I'm finding in my experience (and with special shout out to daters on POF and OKC) have no issue with expressing a desire to jump into the pants after Step 1 in the Order Of Operations and before even meeting my adorable self.
I find this amusing mostly, but on some days it's downright flustering and annoying. I'm not searching for a guy to 'heat up my sheets' whenever the mood strikes him. And to be honest I don't have the time allotted in my schedule for that crap. We all know that dating is a rigorous game of cat and mouse and chase the tail (some pun intended) but can't Men read the stupid profile before messaging for 'Mommy lovin'...I kid you not, I've gotten that one a few times!!
I've lived that role before. I've been the girl/woman/lady seductress who was out for just a romp in the sack. All of course pre-Monkey, but those days seem so lost and lacking something key in my current lifestyle make-up. Connection. Respect. Appreciation. I could go on I suppose.
This of course prompted a conversation with Mr. New Guy about past sexual experiences and he's had plenty come to find out. And for a minute I questioned my ability to accept his past and keep up with the getting to know you part of this relationship. (we have not met yet) But is it my job to accept his past? Give him absolution for his sins of having one too many 3-somes as a 20-something? Eh, not really. Right? I'm up for getting to know him as he is today and not based on his past escapades. But he admitted he's been that guy. The one he doesn't even want to know a name or number and just wants the bottom line.
So as a woman whose desire to is to find the elusive One, I can't help but get frustrated when I get contacted by the Dude who only wants to 'show me his special place'. It's ridiculous and gross to a point. Maybe if I were of the mind frame that anything goes I'd appreciate his candid approach to soliciting some bootie.
I read a great post from Jessica Downey of all the single ladies that inspired me to finish this post about the Order of Operations for Daters. Ultimately, making the choice to 'hit the sack' with a guy before getting to know him is a choice that a woman must make for herself or a man for himself. Right? I'm just more concerned about the delivery of the proposition.
Do we need Men to pretend to be interested before we feel okay with immersing ourselves in the standard 'one night stand'? Or is it preferable to cut to the chase and get the ball rolling?
7 comments:
The one night stand is different. It's about bodies and sex and being physical and interest in that and that alone. Focus on the task at hand. I'm not into a guy pretending to be interested in who I am when I'm not naked if it comes across as something he feels obligated to do.
But if the one night stand is going to evolve into multiple nights, then the best thing a guy can do is show a genuine interest.
Completely agree!
I've found some interesting responses to my reactions...some guys think the let's hit the sack thing is sexy and alluring! Not necessarily for a fling.
I'm going to have to follow up with some research. ;)
Obviously it depends on what your aim is. If it's long term then stick to the order of operations. If not, then, well, feel free to take a step out of the equation. Personally, though, I think we should just skip to the having sex part since sexual chemistry can be a deal breaker when it's bad.
Oh my dear, Alex. I agree 'bad sex' and no 'physical chemistry' can be a dealbreaker. But what if after the sexyness there is nothing else but the sexyness that connects you?
Nice post. I can relate. I'm on okc and have had several men start sexing me right away. One guy started chatting w/ me and right off the bat asked what my cup size was. Hello! My profile says I'm looking for a relationship, not a hook up, ass hole!
Also, In Alex' defense, I tend to move to have sex on the early side just to make sure we are compatible in that way. But I certainly want the man to show some genuine interest in me. Not just, "what's your favorite position?"
Nice post. I can relate. I'm on okc and have had several men start sexing me right away. One guy started chatting w/ me and right off the bat asked what my cup size was. Hello! My profile says I'm looking for a relationship, not a hook up, ass hole!
Also, In Alex' defense, I tend to move to have sex on the early side just to make sure we are compatible in that way. But I certainly want the man to show some genuine interest in me. Not just, "what's your favorite position?"
I'm all for the are we-compatible-in-the-sack-check!! There is nothing worse then having a great relationship be killed by BAD Sexy-ness.
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