Yesterday on Twitter I started my own little discussion amongst some of my favorite Mama's who always seem to share great experience and feedback...and it has carried on in my overthinking brain.
The Mama's...
@laprimera @Jasperblu @sleeplessinsimi @butterflysnbees @mightymarce @Momma_Sunshine @TheMooksMum
The Question...
Okay everyone...how many single parents let their kiddos crash in your bed?about 22 hours ago from web
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Since my Monkey was brought home breathing monitor in tow and prescription for meds in hand there was no way my baby was ever going to feel like Mommy wasn't there. 7 weeks of watching other people take care of him...wash him, feed him and hold him when I couldn't be there all the time...killed this Mama.
So every time the Bio questions whether or not the Monkey sleeps in my bed, I cringe and can't help but get frustrated with his despicable questions.
Background:
the Monkey has not spent a full night with his Bio without me since he was born. We moved out when he was 2 months old and only three weeks out of the NICU. Twice we tried and twice I got phone calls in the middle of night to come and get the crying little person who needed his Mama.
The REST:
In my hast to be a cooperative and over-planning pre-panic attacking co-parent, I sent the Bio an email with the Monkey's bedtime routine as I wrote it out for my Mom. Thinking I was being nice with the pending overnight this weekend and trying to make sure he knows what happens in our house without pushing buttons or making a scene. Silly ME!! Promptly, I received a response...so, is the Monkey sleeping on his own these days? REALLY? Does it matter??
Yes, it does to my Ex who was raised by passive agressive non-hugging parents who feel letting a child sleep in your bed is coddling and not teaching them independence. He was raised by a babysitter. He was raised to be seen and not heard. He hated that until we started disagreeing about raising our son. And, now I'm some sort of Crunchy Hippie (btw not really) that he despises because I let my son sleep in my bed if he wants to and we cuddle and sing and dance...WE HAVE FUN. I will never listen to my son cry if I have it in my power to prevent it. Especially not over sleeping. There are nights when my son sleeps in his room and just before it's time to get up he's suddenly climbing into my bed and it's beautiful. And there are nights when he asks if he can 'sleep in the Big Bed' and I will never refuse that request...ever.
He sent the email to prode...to poke at my thin layer of protection against his attacks and I saw it coming from the day he told me he still 'loved me'. I knew when I didn't fall all over myself gasping for an answer that I would suffer this small consequence. I just hoped it would pass.
I love what @Momma_Sunshine said about 'open bed' policy. My parents always had an 'Open Door' Policy in our house. Doors only got closed if my sister and I were being grounded for something silly and that was really the only time. I wonder how my parents ever got 'Busy' with that policy, but it's worked for them and I practice it with my son too.
Bottomline, Mommy is always here...no matter the time of day or circumstance.
Thanks Mamas!
2 comments:
Was thinking of your tweets at 1 am this morning when The Mook crawled into my bed. With my ex, I never got a chance to co-sleep when Mook was a baby b/c he wouldn't even consider it.
When she was 13 months old, I moved from the bed I shared with him to the futon in her room. It was awesome to pull her into bed with me when she cried.
We spent 3 months living with my brother, post-split. We shared a room there - me on a futon mattress on the floor and her in her big girl bed. Sometimes I would crawl into bed with her, sometimes she would crawl into bed with me.
I love waking up to her. 99% of the time she starts in her bed and stumbles into mine at some point, usually close to sunrise. But every so often she asks to be put into bed in my bed and I can hardly say no to that request. I take it as a sign that she needs the extra contact - mummy to mook. And sometimes I fall asleep with her because I need the same thing.
Now...if only she didn't think it was acceptable to sleep perpendicular to me with her legs slung over my torso.
(Have you found a good 'Daddy visit' bag yet?)
It's awesome to wake up to a toe in your nose or foot in your kidney! Love that feeling, and adore that he knows he CAN get more Mommy cuddles if he needs to.
I think its sad that for some reason many Daddy's don't feel that connection with their kiddos.
As for the Daddy visit bag...not yet. Much of what we've found is too big. I have one more spot to check later today after work.
Thanks for the Mommy Love!
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