the Social Worker of Dating

After my last post and the previous one about being a shallow Mama I've done some recon work on my dating habits...and tons of chatting with Mr. Office Friend (best I can do and I refuse to call him Broken Butt Guy) and Ms. Office mate, I've decided I just can't do it. I will not meet Mr. N (nor will I translate what that name really means).

Yes, everyone deserves a chance at love but not necessarily with me. It's sad to a point but I've been here before. The recovering addict, the not-so-recovering-hobby-guy, the flip-flop-wearer (aka Mountain Man), the triathlete who was late to our date because he had to finish his training, HSD and of course there are SO many others! I've allowed myself to date Men based on 'giving them a chance'. Everyone deserves an opportunity at love, right? Okay yes they do but at the expense of my integrity and joy...NO, damn it not this time. I was hedging on meeting up with this guy who I'm not even really into because I don't want to be too shallow and not be nice. I can't keep being the Social Worker of dating and giving every last Man without a Woman a chance at love in spite of mixed emotions and misgivings.

Do I feel bad? Is this a mistake? Not this time my friends. No, not this time. I think it's freeing that I am making this choice. Based on my past misery and the future I desire it's a valid choice and I'm making it for me. Not for someone else and not to appease the random friend God's who think I'm not 'as deep as they thought'. And yes I am shallow. So there. Bah on those who think they are not. I want to be attracted instantaneously to the man I'm dating and that is not wrong! Jeepers.

If I'm just not feeling it then I need to address that in the beginning and not wait around for some bigger reason to break the heart of a would be Love. Better to spare everyone the heartache and panic attacks that go along with that kind of dating. It's painful and stressful and no one is left feeling good about anything. And someone ends up sad and alone and how is that fair? It's not, duh.

Alright I'm done venting...I feel better.

Jump the Line

There have been men folk in my life who I have thought were the Great Love of my life and then sadly some kind of smash-bang-boom occured and the end came. Thus destroying the possibility of that Great Love fantasy. Boo!! Alas enter the dreaded word...Dealbreaker.

Every so often there is the re-entry of the One who I push away repeatedly. He's sweet and sarcastic. He adores me for every little thing about me. He is basically the Ideal candidate for loving the Mama. Truly I adore him. I do. And here comes the other dreaded word...BUT there's a Dealbreaker I have not ever been able to get past. I won't share entirely but it involves a hobby,  I can't approve of because I AM A Mama. It's not strippers or porn or something silly like that because I get that hobby. Don't necessarily appreciate it but I get it. Men are visual learners, end of story and it's kind of cute now that I'm older and get it.

In a time when women are again looking for their 'Happy Ending' with or without a man, I wonder what lines we should or shouldn't cross for love...or to be loved by someone unique? In my circumstances today, as a Mama, there are lines I draw to keep my son's life happy and healthy and as drama-free as possible. And yet comprimising my own desires and needs doesn't seem like that large of a sacrifice for the greater good of my future world and the little man in my life, I wonder if I'm being extreme in my line drawing?

I've walked away from guys who 'seemed' to have it all wrapped up just because there were aspects of their lifestyle and/or thinking didn't mesh with my ideal pursuit of the Man who would share in my little family. This one in particular I cruised away from when I realized that my driving 300 miles back and forth to see him was not productive for me (and the kiddo) and on top of that his hobby of choice would impact my own personal lifestyle choice. Oh and I think MySpace was involved in some way, but I digress. I'm the first person in the room to tell a girlfriend it's better to know that people are inherently good but don't expect them to change for you. It's just not healthy, in my opinion, for people to have to fit into cookie cutter imprints designed by a prospective mate. And so I remain single and smirking at every text that comes across from this former-Almost-Great-Love in my life and know that deep in my heart he's there wading through all the mish-mash of adoration but I don't see Me making the step to accept his hobby, nor do I see him changing for Me and I don't want him. Admittedly, it would be a whole different ball of waxy goodness if I was not the LiL'Devil Mama...but I am and the Love of my Life (aka the Monkey) comes before all others.

What lines should we draw, erase or cross to be loved and to love?

Deep End & the Height Matters Update...

In my most recent posts here and here I've been struggling a lot with personal issues...past and present. Work is tough. Dating sucks. Or not dating for that matter. Being a Mama is the only upside. Co-Parenting is my daily reminder that my life will never be the same. I could go on and on and on...

But this weekend I moved into my new townhouse. My Dad-Man helped me out with the deposit and was one of four people who helped me move me into my new place. It's amazing. Okay so even though there are and have been a few on-going glitches in the new place it's Mine and the Monkey's new Casa. I'm currently decorating so pics will certainly follow later in the week. It's my new haven for creativity. It's where I will blossom and flourish. Thanks to inspiration from my gal pal @SHSingleMama I'm working on finding something I can do to get my mind back into the Land of Artsy Fartsy.

I won't jump off the Deep End.There won't be any jumping up and down yelling at the Bio for being a 'tard when I needed his support. I won't quit my job even though I'm not feeling it right now. I won't give up on my passions and hobbies that have fallen by so neglected.

I'll turn away from the Deep End while carrying the Monkey off to the Zoo or Kidspace and ride off into the Sunset...